A Year in the Merde
"Merde is both real and metaphor. Dogs deposit 15 tons of poop onto the streets of Paris each year, resulting in the hospitalization of 650 people after a slip and fall."
" Paris is a great place to live if you are a shark. If they give you shit, bite them in half, West says."
Here's the exerpt Csilla read for me today....this one is very true in our case:
"I was also sick of my neighbours as most Parisians are. I now knew every second of the morning routine of the family upstairs. 7am, alarm goes off, boom, Madame gets out of bed, puts on her deep-sea diver’s boots and stomps across my sealing to megaphone the kids awake. The kids drop bags of cannonballs on to the floor, then, apparently dragging several sledgehammers each, stampede into the kitchen. They grab they chunks of baguette and go and sit in front of the TV, which is always showing a cartoon about people who do nothing but scream at each other and explode. Every minute, one of the kids cartwheels (while bouncing cannonballs) back into the kitchen for seconds, and then returns (bringing with it a family of excitable kangaroos) to the TV. Meanwhile the toilet is flushed, on average, 50 times per drop of urine expelled, finally there is a 10 minute period of intensive yelling, and at 8.15 on the dot, they all howl and crash their way out of the apartment to school.
You’ve just made yourself a soothing cup of tea when Madame returns to get her team of trained hippos to clean up the mess, clomping their hooves, or whatever hippos have, in time to the nasal howl of some terminally lovesick French crooner. I once dared to go up and ask whether the hippos really needed to wear high heels indoors all the time and a snooty woman in pearls slammed the door in my face.”